Monday, April 20, 2009
Woe is me
I am sick of it. Sick of doing everything for everyone else and never enjoying a freaking thing! Whose fault is it? Mine of course. I dunno. I haven't had a weekend off in forever, finally get one and I 'm sick. So I sleep all weekend, feel better and now all the shit that I should have gotten done on the weekend needs to get done. I have a million papers to grade. I still don't feel all that great and it's beautiful outside and i don't care. My reaction is to just crawl under a rock. That's always been my solution I guess. Nothing gets done that way though and it's just worse when you finally get out from under the rock. But it's not like I don't work hard. I do. Too hard. Too much. I don't know how to ask for help. I don't like to assert my needs. I am a mess. I'm working on it, but today it feels like it just doesn't matter. A never ending pile of things to do, and I take on more. It also seems like everyone around me doesn't have that much to do. Not because they are lazy but because they say no, or don't take on more or make room for their lives. AAAAHHHH. I have to work now...
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I'm sad that you're feeling this way. You do work too hard, too much, too long. But here's my question--what do you imagine yourself doing if you did have more time to yourself? Can you see yourself enjoying your free time? I think we sometimes have a hard time enjoying ourselves when we do have time because we're so used to working so hard all the time--that when we stop we feel a bit lost. Perhaps imagine, for yourself, what you would really like to do for even just an hour. Then somehow give yourself that hour, and do that thing--even if it is sleeping. I think you're too hard on yourself. Anyway, I love you!
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